Running hard

I enjoyed New Attitude this year. Challenges confront me to the core of my heart. Meditating, scripture memory, daily engaging, delighting, dying to self, proclaiming the Word without shame, and life changes.
Life is short and truly I see the "vapor" evaporate in front my eyes. Where is God going to take me in this big picture?
I think about the discipline of spending time with my Saviour. Why can't I get myself out of bed at 0500 in the morning? My mind does not see that His Words are my "Life" and God is calling me to follow Him in Obedience to "bind His Words about my neck"..."put on the armour" ...hide "in my heart so that I might not sin against you"...to "seek it as treasure"....
I find myself passing off the my valuable time with God for exchange of saying that I am not being legalistic by being too rigid. (completely wrong thinking).
I love the dedicated, tenacious spirit, and love for God's Word displayed in Tyndale. Why can't I be like my brother who displayed this thirstiness for the Word of God and vision for all men to have the English printed version of the Bible in their hands. He pleaded to the king, carefully, thoughtfully, lovingly until his final death. He followed, in faith, the ultimate example, Jesus Christ, who was disregarded by men and kings. My apathy and pride stare me in the face. I want to run hard towards God, passionately, focused, sacrificing, unashamed, to be the same tool in the hand of God .
Love the Lord my God with all my heart? Myself gets in the way. My worldly pleasures, my "what next mentality", my "I deserve it", my faults thinking, questioning"is to die really gain"?.
No freedom being a slave to my self; it is short sighted, and not true to the way God designed me.
I reflect on Pipers message and Romans 14:8 ."...for whether we live, we live unto the Lord, and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lords."

forever asking the question when always the answer is love

"So God I have one question...why did you choose me?"
I am nothing and out of all of His creation; I was chosen to live with in relationship with Him forever. I was saved from eternal darkness and hell. I still don't know (never have experienced the pit of hell/silence/torture/burning) what that is like first hand experience. I am sure it is beyond human comprehension of excruciating pain emotionally, socially, physically.
As I was praying with my "family" I ask again...why did you choose me? It is love at its pinnacle for Jesus to unconditionally die, in torn flesh, disfigured, bleed profusely liters of blood, humiliated byHis own men; He purposefully, thoughtfully, submitting tenaciously to the will of God the Father for saving a small speck of dust-life like me. I can't understand it. Amazed, pondering, my mind cannot contain it...He loves Me more than I will ever fully understand.

it passed me by

it passed me by to give you a smile, warm eyes, kind words, a purposeful touch,
enough to make a difference, enough that my care may change the course of ones thought,
enough to inspire the hopes of tomorrow;
it passed me by to say it gently, to love differently then expected in one's eyes.
You needed help, or a someone to spend time with one set of ears and eyes to listen to you with their heart too; a moment for them to hear you to the end, and eager to respond in time.
Did I take it for granted that you will be there again another day, another turn, your life to sparkle, where I will say one more time "hello" to you, or will I regret the moment to say, "it passed me by"?

"love earnestly"...

What does it mean to Love

What does it mean to love?
Blessing and suffering go hand-in-hand as I heard in church today.
The Bible says "Earnestly love". My human nature does not want to earnestly love many times. It is hard work to choose to love. Loving I thought was supposed to come easily , fuzzy, warm almost all of the time....But I reminded again it is not always that. It demands an about- face-radical-step. I say, "I choose against my feelings to Love You"..."Earnestly love you". But my motivation is without power if I don't remember Christ Loved me first in my vile filthy rag (disgusting old menstrual rags-i heard that in church too).
"HE LOVED ME FIRST. I love you first in spite of the wrongs I am reminded of". Or should I say, "What wrong did you do towards me? I can't remember? I refuse to recollect the wrongs of yesterday...it is done....I love you".
Christ loving the blind man and the women at the well was shocking, the humanly unnatural, the unexpected, goes against all human nature. Christ spending His years on earth knowing to face the final day of the Cross to die for betrayers, sinners, people who hated Him. I can't even understand it. This just reveals my heart, my desperateness for God at this very moment. God I cry out for you to give me your grace again; "it is sufficient".

Where do you go...

Where do you go when your world completely crashes...when no persons are there to be there for you (they say they would, if not in words, in actions)...the silence of the desert is all the experience...

Where do you go when you long for complete friendship...exchange of ones deepest feelings...one seeing the best in one to another...enjoying each other...loyal through life...looking for the next day...to see you...celebrating the day, playing in it together...talking about the day... looking for another memory to keep in your pockets.

I go to the Rock...He never breaks, He is Faithful, He never leaves, He always Loves me, He is Always, Always there beside, behind, beneath, before, inside, me. I love you God because you first loved me. You are my Father and my dearest Friend.



Wendy

In Christ Alone

My mind clings to this at the end of the day....


In Christ Alone my heart is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This corner Stone
This solid ground
Firm through the fiercest Storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled and strivings cease

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and Righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to Save
Till on that Cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I Live

There in the ground His body laid
Light of the World by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in Glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in Victory
Sin"s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Oh for the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in Life
No fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final death
Jesus commands my final destiny
No power of hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
No power of hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in power of Christ I stand.

Remember Eternal Matters

I am pulled in different directions. Work, the future, time restraints, fun, friends,and more.
I now step back to breath...I am preparing for my next evaluation and preparing for my incentive bonus(taking much time). I am thinking about all the additional stuff along with this and I can easily become anxious(not obediant to God-Sin). I have to now grab my heart, my mind, and yield completely and entirely to God and His plan. When I do this or that (be it running, washing my dishes, talking to a friend, doing my yearly evalution projects I must not forget "I do this for God's glory".
I think about how my wonderful friend Becky has often lovingly and firmly in the past grabbed my arm to say, "Wendy, it really doesn't matter". And I shake myself to say, "Yes, Yes, it doesn't matter in this Life...look at Jesus and where you will spend Eternity. This life all my striving is vain. God must be THE ULTIMATE reason.

So I am thrilled to think about my Brother John in the scriptures again...many years later. Sitting on this island (Patmos)by himself...old and I imagine cataracts in his eyes, dry, shriveled-up skin, bony joints, long straggly gray beard, hunched over and then the Bible says he has a vision...

Revelation 4
The Throne in Heaven
"1After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, "Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this." 2At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. 3And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian. A rainbow, resembling an emerald, encircled the throne. 4Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. 5From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. Before the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven spirits[a] of God. 6Also before the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal.

In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back. 7The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. 8Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." 9Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, 10the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
11"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."


And a relationship with this King is what really matters!