to Breathe

Who Commands the Morning?

2012-03-08T22:07:00.007-05:00

Today I received letter from a future Navy Seal. I am so proud of his vision, his heart to lead, to serve his country and foremost God.
Good news to hear he gets lead with a friend of mine in their training. I hope they will get to be friends.

I received a phone call from a sad friend last night. She believes her dating relationship is coming to an end possibly. I made a lasagna dinner with salad and garlic bread. I cried, prayed with her, and sat with her as we listened to music of encouragement to her soul. I was glad to help a friend and carry her burden for her. I wanted to obey God's command to "carry one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Gal. 6:2). I am thankful that God will receive my worship with human imperfections; it is an offering.

So I have been thinking about that dreaded character flaw, PRIDE (is found popping up in my life many times). I helped someone move a couple of weeks ago that I thought was proud . She was responding to me like nothing I or others did was good enough. I felt like she was on pins and needles over nothing that went wrong. She never thanked anyone for the help or the free lunch and drinks that was provided. She was self absorbed and inward focused. I don't know her well so it may be that she isn't like this at all.
Not only this, I had another moment of confrontation/reflection in my own heart. I thought about 2 friends of mine that expressed that they were sick. I offered to drop by and leave Lemon Ginger Yogi tea on the front porch of their house because it is soothing and I have taken it to friends in the past and they said it made them feel better. But I believe these friends are so used to not anyone taking too much care of them. I feel like there is self sufficiency and pride going on their own lives when they don't allow someone to help them or receive help wether they believe it would help or not (found repeatedly in my life in past). When my friends refused to accept my help I then saw how it also takes away the blessing in my "giving". It simply one way of storing up your treasures in heaven. Maybe God rewards the "wanting to give" as a way of storing up eternal treasures for His glory.
These were good lessons for me because I now see clearer what the whole cycle of PRIDE and how it results in one sense prevent receiving blessing and hurting others.

I sent the following verses to my sad friend who received my care for her heart. Not my words but the words that bring LIFE and are like a sword penetrating to the marrow of her bones. There is no truer word to fill her woeful voids of her heart but Jesus word's himself.

I Peter 1:13
"Therefore gird your minds for action, keep sober in spirit , FIX your your hope completely on the grace tot be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ"

Job 38
"Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said,
Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
Now gird up your loins like a man
And I will as you, and you instruct Me!
Where were you when I lad the foundation of the earth?
Tell Me, if you have understanding
Who set its measurements since you know?
or who stretched the line on it?
On what were its bases sunk?
Or who laid its cornerstone,
When the morning stars sang together,
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?
Or who enclosed the sea with doors,
When, bursting forth, it went out from the womb;
When I made a cloud its garment ,
and thick darkness its swaddling band,
And I placed boundaries on it,
And I set a bolt and doors,
And I said, Thus far you shall come, but no farther;
And here shall your proud waves
stop?"

"Have you ever in your life commanded the morning, and caused the dawn to know its place;
That it might take hold of the ends of the earth,
And the wicked be shaken out of it?
It is changed like clay under the seal;
And they stand forth like a garment
And from the wicked their light is withheld
and their uplifted arm is broken.
Have you entered into the springs of the sea?
Or have you walked int the recesses of the deep?
Have the gates of death been
revealed to you?
Or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
Have you understood the expanse of the earth?
Tell Me, if you know all this

Where is the way to the dwelling of light?
And darkness, where is this place, That you may take it to its territory,
And that you may discern the paths to its home?
You know, for you were born then, And the number of your days is great!

Have you entered the storehouses of the snow
Or have you seen the storehouses of the hail,
Which I have reserved for the time of distress,
For the day of war and battle?
Where is the way that the light is divided
Or the east wind scattered on the earth?....."

No Time Like the Present

2011-12-27T21:38:00.008-05:00

I put "journal" down for a while. But I am thinking I should pick it up again and write. One, for the encouragement of other souls out there. People are lonely, want truth and someone to sit at the table and talk honestly, here and now with them. Two, purpose of working through my thoughts and reflection of past, present, and future.
I want to leave a mark and maybe a legacy of Hope that is not void and fills completely.

Today I was thinking about a book that I loaned to my girlfriend, Chasing Daylight by Eugene O'Kelly, CEO of KPMG. It was a very good book, moving and forces anyone to take a second look at how your living all your days on earth. I sometimes get weary living as if everyday were a "vapor". But the the good thing is, God gives me all that I need to live for today and each day. If I don't accomplish all that I hoped...God will still use my weakness or my inadequacies. God want to use weak people for doing Great things. That is the kind of God that we have. We all start as weak anyhow being the nature of creatures we are in comparison the great Creator of the Universe. I was reading 31 days of praise by Ruth Meyers just now (mom and dad gave me). "CH. Spurgeon wrote, Our griefs cannot mar the melody of our praise: they are simply the bass notes of our life song, "to God be the glory".

Is. 43:4 "You are precious in My eyes, and honored and I love you." This is what Jesus thinks of me!

Earth day

2010-04-24T23:28:00.008-04:00

March 24th, 2010
Woke up early to the morning rain. Ran 5k race in Downtown Greer. Perfect conditions and great course. I surprisingly won 1st place with a time of 22:30 (I even stopped to tie my shoe lace).
Helped a man who collapsed by the wayside in the 1/2 Marathon and comforted his wife as they EMS helped them to the ambulence. Then I went to one of my favorite Breakfast spots, Tommy's Ham House (off of Poinsett Highway). Studied for a Pediatric Certification Test. Had Brooke over to watch Lost (like a horror movie on an Island of Paradise).
Now, here I am winding down to the sound of the rain falling outside my window. I love the rain!! Has a been an enjoyable day in so many ways.

Church is tomorrow. I want to prepare my heart for whatever God has for me. "Speak Oh Lord..." We are studying I John 2:28 right now.
In Care group we studied What it means to be Born in God. It means it exhibits itself in Living like HIm, practicing righteousness, hoping in Him. God's seed lives in me. It is like spring when you see all your plants and trees go dormant over the cold winter months and thinking it impossible new growth will return. Each year it amazes me that God brings growth for new flowers and buds and more abundantly than years before. ie.i had to divide my daylilies.
I once opposed God in everyway. How great my Father loves me when he chooses to place all His righteousness on me, take me as His child, and claim me with overflowing, lavish love for eternity. Why would the Father choose to love me, who did not choose Him and I OPPOSED Him? I could never love God with any small ounce of myself. He broke through and shattered my darkness (as it seems like a song I heard) and He made a dead man/women Live!

This sermon reminds me of a time when I read the book of Hebrews. I felt my heart challenged...what I was reading was asking me questions and testing my faith in God....leaving somewhere around Chapter 8 with tears....I think I felt conviction. What life am I living in relationhip to God? How am i living in eternal sense? If I am going to live....why live it partial? Whey not live fully? Will I look back with regrets?

Also on another note I was reminded the other night as I was talking to my friend to remember to view life from day-to-day of what are the possibilities of living life outside the box. It does not have to be the same old daily grind but it can be fun and playful and hard work too.

Meditations and C.S. Lewis Biography by John Piper

2010-03-31T23:35:00.005-04:00

My Meditations

Colossians 3:1-5
"If then you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of the God. Set you mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed which amounts to idolatry. "
I need to hear this.

Revelation 4
Scene of Heaven-John's Vision on the island as an old man about to die.

“The sweetest thing of all my life has been the longing . . . to find the place where all the beauty came from.” But when Lewis was born again to see the glory of God in Christ, he never said again that he didn’t know where the beauty came from. Now he knew where all the joy was pointing. On the last page of his autobiography, he explained the difference in his experience of Joy now and before.

I believe . . . that the old stab, the old bittersweet, has come to me as often and as sharply since my conversion as at any time of my life whatever. But I now know that the experience, considered as a state of my own mind, had never had the kind of importance I once gave it. It was valuable only as a pointer to something other and outer. While that other was in doubt, the pointer naturally loomed large in my thoughts. When we are lost in the woods the site of the signpost is a great matter. He who first sees it cries, ‘Look!’ The whole party gathers around and stares. But when we have found the road and are passing signposts every few miles, we shall not stop and stare. They will encourage us and we shall be grateful to the authority that set them up. But we shall not stop and stare, or not much; not on this road, though their pillars are of silver and their lettering of gold. ‘We would be at Jerusalem.’

No Good Does God keep from me

2010-02-27T15:26:00.005-05:00

Today is such a Beautiful Day. Shortly I will go outside and enjoy this blue sky, warm sun, and dusting of clouds.
I woke up this morning, went to boot camp-did our challenging workout (crunches, running, pushups, running, climbers, running, flutter kicks, running, planks, running, and so on for a full hour) I know it is good for me. I am so thankful that Rick and Lucia offer to do this for free.

I don't have much time to write what is all on my mind....but for now all I can do is write in these words that I am Trusting the Lord to take all that I have into His loving Hands...the same hands that were nailed to the Cross. The same Heart that chose to love me first. He is my Father and I will never understand more than my Father. That is the design and order of life as God of all Heaven and Earth is Sovereign and is the Creator of all the Universe. I know His mind is far beyond any comprehension or understanding that my frail, small, peon speck of dust of matter will ever grasp in this life on earth.

I pray the following in the example of George Mueller as he also faced multiple crossroads of His life. "God I don't have Faith unless you give it to me now. I pray for Grace to Trust YOU, Oh Sovereign Father of my life. You are Trustworthy Lord. You are good in feast and famine. Will I only see your goodness when I think it is good that I see? Will you give me "_________" that it may Honor and give you Glory to your name for the rest of our days? As long as you have given us breath will you allow us to serve You with all our hearts, soul, and mind.... nothing less than full sacrifice of love for You, others, and our family. May your Will be done on earth as it is in Heaven!"

"a man plans his ways, but the Lord directs His paths." Words of encouragement given Yesterday by my dear Pastor and "Bro" Matt, whom God has chosen as one to Shepherd my heart.

Love Note

2010-01-27T00:09:00.004-05:00

Dear God...You loved me first with an everlasting love. I don't know why because I am just a little spek or dust mite compared to you. Thank you for everlasting life. The "New heaven and New earth". You will bring me into a perfect blissful state when I gaze forever on you face for eternity. You gave Your Son to me as a Full atoning sacrifice. A one time sacrifice. You perfectly unite me to you Lord. Spirit and Truth. Lord, I desire Truth in all parts. To live a glimmering resemblance of you. Will you be my husband all my life? I take you, I accept you.

John Vision

2010-01-24T23:14:00.007-05:00

Oh God, your Temple is here...you came as a Person in your fullness to earth and lived a perfect spotless life. Your Power to save me and all men now to the uttermost. Your Proclamation of the gospel raises the dead alive and forever. Your People gather as the remnant that remain.

I love this....Revelation 21:1&22
v.1 "Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea."

v.22 "But I saw no temple in it, for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are its temple."

meditation on Jim Britt's sermon.

Worship the Lord

2010-01-18T22:33:00.006-05:00

Sunday Sermon
When we look at the Sun, we are awaken by the Sun.
We could say the same about God. When I look at the Son, I am awaken by the Son.
Right thoughts about God should evoke a right response.
Revelation 4:10 "Elders will fall before Him, who sits on the throne and will worship HIm who lives forever and ever, and will cast their crowns before the throne, saying, Worthy are Thou, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power: for Thou didst create all things , and because of Thy will they existed and were created."

Book-Cost of Discipleship
Dietrich Bonhoffer- "Jesus said, 'ye are the salt of the World'...It is not for the disciples to decide whether they will be salt of the earth, for they are so whether they like it or not, they have been made salt by the call they have received."

Thanksgiving Day

2009-11-26T22:37:00.005-05:00

Listening to David Barton speak on Focus on the Family

Thanksgiving started because of the Pilgrims settled in Plymouth, Ma. It was a very cold winter and they lost about half of their colony. The Indians gave them food and supplies. They wanted to always remember a Day of Thanksgiving to God specifically because of providing and bringing them this far. They refer to multiple scripture passages on how they want to be like the Israelites before entering the land of Canaan. Moses warned them to always remember what God has done for them so that they would not live unfruitful lives.
Listening to the story of the Pilgrims settling, the forming of our Nation, Congress, Letters that John Adams wrote to his Abigail, and the careful thought of establishing Independence from Britain. America started with leaders revering and crediting God for His protection and blessing on America.
We are the most blessed nation in the World (I am truly convinced) and I believe that our Founding Fathers are the reason for all that God has given us today.

I am Thankful for:
1.Free country: worship and learn of God where i choose, have a job in the career path I choose, Go to the doctor and dentist I choose
2. Family
3. Church
4. My Salvation: Christ died for me to have a relationship with me, saved me, loves me. (I realize I did not list this first but I will leave it in this sequence to remind me that I take Him for granted and that I don't know enough what Christ saved me from and did for me and that I more than likely I need to spend time reminding myself about that in comparison of owning anything else in life or its treasures)

A white porch swing

2009-09-28T21:02:00.004-04:00

There is something wonderful about a white porch swing. You never know what memories may be built with your friend on a bench that swings back and forth.
I have looked high and low for a great bargain on a swing. I found a man selling swings on Craig's list. So I went to Spartenburg to pick it up for $75.00. I painted it white and hired my friend to hang the swing.
I swung on it tonight and thought about all the friends I will get to spend time sharing thoughts, talking, laughing, and spend quality time fellow shipping. I thought about how wonderful to be outside on a summer night talking to a friend, I thought about maybe one day I will sit beside my husband sharing hours of thoughts dreams, and enjoying the hours of life together. I thought about the crickets at night that will chime as I sit and unwind on my swing.

I am thankful for my white porch swing. :)

Philippians 3

2009-09-17T22:49:00.006-04:00

It is 1049 at night.
I am thirsting for HIM, the all sufficient loving Father and Saviour of the world, can ONLY satisfy my life. It is the unending, deepest ocean of Christ's love that is a depth without bottom and without shores(thought from a J.Piper quote).

I think about Paul in prison. He did not lose vision of the Truth of Christ and promised future. He was tenacious in mind (by his yielding to the Spirits work in his life) keeping his mind on Christ. One goal, strain, bend. He wanted "to KNOW Christ and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death." Christ took hold of him and he reminds me, Christ took hold of me. There is a call for all believers. Leave ALL BEHIND: reputation, anxieties, worldliness, in morality, unforgiveness, dark pasts, anything the "weighs" us down. Leave it all behind and say to Satan what God promises. It is true..."may I be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ,...that I may know Him, and the power of His Resurrection from the dead."
Paul was in a cold prison, dirt layered on his body, prison guards surrounding him, and never stops to "fume" or have a "pity party" or complain to anyone. He is more focused on the church. He calls himself the "bond servant of Jesus Christ to all the saints of Christ Jesus".
I want my love "to abound more and more in real knowledge and all discernment and approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ Jesus."

Prayer to you Father:
Will you help me to be all surrendered to you my Father-passionate on this earth for you? I realize now that I may have some radical breaking ties to rid sin in my life (knowing sin comes in the shape of more than just one). Lord I ask you will search my heart. I want to yield in every area. Not just what I choose.
I am your child and I can be confident and bold because I am in You: My Rock, Saviour of the World, Emmanuel, Stronghold, Lover of my soul, my Abba Father. There is nothing more truer than you. There is no exchange in life better than YOU.
So father instruct my heart to be conformed to the image of your Son Jesus Christ. I want to leave the opinions of man behind every minute of my day and be of one mind and focus on You. I need your discernment in speech and actions, will you help me with your Power. I want to point this lost world to you. Father I feel like I don't do well representing you in my life now. Will you help me to be genuine, focused as I "run this race".

The sky is so Blue

2009-07-18T09:14:00.006-04:00

....it is morning and I wake to think about what my caregroup talked about last night. I made it at the end. What are joy robbers in our life? being selfish, letting our minds wander into ungodly thinking, letting our emotions rule our thinking,....
We talked about heaven and keeping the eternal perspective...
I wake up today with the fight for joy and pondering what heaven will be like....

the sky is so blue, reminding me to look up...what this life will not offer and what Christ gives is greater....

Shelter in the Storm

2009-06-18T23:20:00.002-04:00

Words and Music by Steve & Vikki Cook and Bob Kauflin

Verse 1 I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

Verse 2 I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

Verse 3 I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven

Sovereign Grace Music, a division of Sovereign Grace Ministries.
From Come Weary Saints. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
North American administration by Integrity Music. International administration by CopyCare International.

Follow the Come Weary Saints link it will take you to a page where you can download this song for free.

for the cause of Christ-true sacrifice

2009-05-17T23:55:00.002-04:00

This is from Adoniram Judson's letter to his proposed father-in-law.

"I have now to ask, whether you can consent to part with your daughter early next spring, to see her no more in this world; whether you can consent to her departure, and her subjection to the hardships and sufferings of missionary life; whether you can consent to her exposure to the dangers of the ocean, to the fatal influence of the southern climate of India; to every kind of want and distress; to degradation, insult, persecution, and perhaps a violent death? Can you consent to all of this, for the sake of him who left his heavenly home, and died for her and for you; for the sake of perishing immortal souls; for the sake of Zion, and the glory of God? Can you consent to all this, in hope of soon meeting your daughter in the world of glory, with the crown of righeousness, brightened with the acclamations of praise which shall redound to here Savior from heathens saved, through her means, from eternal woe and despair?"

Leveling of Self

2009-02-14T00:02:00.013-05:00

My heart longs for a reality of depth and radicalism. Unashamed proclamation of Jesus, "the filler" who is capable to breath life into the corner of every Believing and Disbelieving soul. However He will use me, a very flawed tool, to be an extension or display one glimpse of His rays. I would gladly be a little reflection of God if that is the only ray of light that penetrates so far as to reach beyond myself and miraculously into the dark corners of captive souls. Maybe one has never seen a directness, a trueness such as this in all their lives, satiates our thirst, a riveting of the soul. Let it be the first or hundredth time to come back and say, "that Christ would give Himself unconditionally for me?".
I want to speak the Truth that awakens the eyes (exalting and directing man to the "I am" , "the Way", "the Life". Oh what great relief of all burdens to delight and to face "the Truth"). I call all to put away mine (yours) anything that gets in the way of self, blindness, and allow ourselves to be completely surrendered of everything in our lives; a complete "leveling" of ourselves to the ground. It is just you and God, it is not an "act" before Him.
I love the word "crap" lately so I will use it now to express so clearly what I feel. "Acting" is such "crap". Crap is building up a beautiful painted picture of ourselves that is not really who Iam, to others around you-"blessed are the humble for they shall see God" (I would like to add and they will see the crap load of falsehood in their own lives because they are examining themselves in the "mirror of God" and not self). Crap is not calling what you know to be Sin and rationalizing it away to be profitable or almost biblically "excellent" when it actually causes you to slightly or completely fall-"flee every tempation". Crap is wasting your life on laziness-"redeem the time,for the days are evil", crap is aloofness to the people that God has placed in your life-"as you do unto them, you do unto me", crap is not forgiving and letting go of wrongs done to you-"love your neighbor as yourself", "let not the sun go down on your wrath".
I have sinned in all these areas of crap. Or thought about sinning in these areas that comes from pride and self-righteous thinking. The bottom line is that I want to face my sin, repent and turn to God to help me change. His Truth is powerful for change to get rid of the crap more and more. Picture of Sanctification. I Need friends to speak Truth to me and objectively speak into my life besides my own view (which I hear is vital importance but often not demonstrated among Christians-easier to gossip). Yes, I have very high opinion of me and I don't want to face seeing my flaws, the hard work to change, the actual Obedience God calls me to devote my life to and that I actually have to Obey rather than live in my own fading pleasures of the easy life but unfulfilling.
It is too late to live life over again.
I pray that God will let the fire of refinement take away my dross(crap).

Read to my Aunt yesterday.
Samuel Francis Hymn

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Vast unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current
Of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to
Thy glorious rest above!

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus,
Spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth
never, nevermore!
How He watches o'er His loved ones,
died to call them all His own
how for them He intercedeth, watcheth
o'er them from the throne!

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus,
'Tis a heav'n of heav'ns to me
And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!

By Your Side

2009-02-08T22:53:00.006-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J95rAr0gOFU&feature=related

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

By Your Side
Tenth Avenue South

My Aunt Marrianne

2009-02-04T20:15:00.001-05:00

My Aunt Marrianne was diagnosed with Pancreatic and Liver cancer yesterday.
My dad left a message for me to call him ASAP when I get off of work. There are only now a couple of reasons I can think of this combination of emotion relayed by my father of urgency and somberness. Now his sister is dying. Prognosis is poor, a double hit from two sides, Pancreatic, one of the fastest growing cancers and invasion of two different organs.
Life is passing quickly. I can see it vividly. I am not at the age of my parents, but it is not just fleeting thought these days like before. It is a steady and fast progression("a breath") towards Heaven and seeing my heavenly Father one day beyond this fading earth.

I will try to visit her this Friday.
What will I do? She loves drinking tea, a small biscuit (my dad suggested), old book, talk of rich hymns, read a piece of her mother's diary, knit, look at old pictures, or just sit and enjoy being together. She is a home body more than any person I know in the Cassidy family. She enjoys comforts and warm lights in a cool quiet place. She welcomes me gladly to sit and talk anytime like one of her own and impart her years of wisdom. I love you Aunt Marrianne.

When He Returns

2008-12-28T16:09:00.003-05:00

I know I look through this "glass darkly" and "soon" Christ will come for me. Now I must live all to the glory of God, completely, with every breath.

I wrote this letter for Jennifer and Andrew on their Wedding Day.

December 27, 2008 at 11:00
Jennifer and Andrew Dixon made a Covenant to Love each other.

Dear Andrew and Jennifer,

I remember when I met you about a year ago. You both were new in attending our singles care group. You had visited a few months and then shortly after was the break up. Jennifer, I know you were dumbfounded and spent hours either in your room sulking, reading your bible or praying to God. Many times I remember hearing you talk about how you believed simply that God always had Andrew for you. Even though this break was complete at the time, it was like nothing had ever changed in Jennifer’s mind; you loved Andrew the same and months later. Andrew, you were spending your days sitting at the feet of Jesus, surrendering yourself to the hands of God with much prayer and that was your focus.

Jennifer, I have always felt very comfortable and at home with you. I have appreciated the time we have spent together, talking over coffees at Liquid Highway, sitting at the pool, and walking outside...you are like friend that I never lost time to pick up where we left off last.

Andrew, I have always considered you like a dear brother. You have a passion for God and live it fully, here, and now. God will use you to spur others in the truth (continue to have passion for knowing and studying God’s Word carefully). You are a affecting the lives of those around you even now. I believe God wants to use you in a wonderful unique way that others will not be able to. I love the watching the testimony of CHANGE that is blaring in your life today. You shine brilliantly in the contrast of knowing where you came and who you are in and because of Christ. Thank God for the power of this testimony to believers and unbelievers.

We have good memories to look back on this past year. Fall hikes, amusement parks, playing games, singing Masquerade professional opera style, Roman studies, and care groups. These will be treasured memories.

My prayer for you...
God as Jennifer and Andrew begin this life together. We acknowledge and rejoice in your work that you have a purposefully brought them together. Thank you for Andrew and the powerful testimony from his life and Jennifer the opportunity she now has to follow him in serving beside him. I pray for Andrew as he loves Jennifer, as Christ loves the Church, that Jennifer will feel his pleasure. I pray for Jennifer as she loves Andrew that, he will feel her pleasure. I pray that you will give them a selfless for each other and a love for You God above all else. I pray that you will use Andrew and Jennifer to draw men to your wonderful gospel, your name be glorified. In Jesus Name.
Amen.

I love you.
Wendy

no comparison to seven miles deep

2008-12-04T00:45:00.005-05:00

Rom 5:20 "Moreover the law entered, that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:
Rom 5:21 That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord."

"our effort to taste, to see, to enjoy, to admire the glory of God now is like taking a a little thimble to spoon out the Pacific Ocean, if you enlarge the thimble to the size of the Pacific Ocean, it would still be a thimble compared to the Ocean of the Glory of God which has No shores and No bottom."
John Piper

Infinite duration to taste and see the glory of God....

Romans

2008-11-26T16:26:00.003-05:00

"if you are not made compassionate by your self understanding as fallen; you don't know yet how bad you are, and how good God is to you"

Jonathon Edwards
"this docterine teaches us to think no worse of others than of ourselves; it teaches us that we are all companions in a miserable helpless condition which under a revelation of divine mercy tend to produce mutuel compassion and nothing has a greater tendancy to promote those amiable dispositions of mercy forebearance, long-suffering, gentleness, and forgiveness than a sense of our own extreme unworthiness and misery and the infinite need of divine pity and forbearance and forgiveness together for with the hope of obtaining mercy"

Doulos=Bondservant

2008-11-17T22:24:00.003-05:00

Matthew 6:24
No man can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. You cannot, serve God and mammon.

A Closing Prayer

2008-10-25T23:44:00.002-04:00

A prayer from my dearest loving mother Evelyn M. Cassidy read to me over the phone:

A Closing Prayer
"Gracious and glorious Father, because you are rich in mercy, and great in love, and sovereign in grace, we ask that you would make this little book a window onto the panorama of your glory, and a skylight to your supremacy in all things. By the truth-loving power of your Holy Spirit grant that the glass pane would be clean—that what is faithful to your word would be confirmed, and what is not would be forgiven, not confusing. We ask that your cloud-banishing illumination would be given to our minds, and that spiritual understanding would fill our hearts, and that according to the command of your apostle, we would grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. May we see the spectacular sins of the world as horrible as they are. And may we see the holiness of God as pure as it is. And may we see the rule of God over the sin of man as righteous as it is. And thus grant the steel of ultimate reality to strengthen the spine of our faith, and sweeten our lips for the bruised heart. Put the ballast of biblical truth in the belly of our little boats, lest the crashing waves of calamity in these changing times cause us to capsize in the sea of trouble. And according to your apostle's warning, forbid that the increase of our knowledge would cause the increase of our pride. Rather, O God of infinite wisdom, reveal, with all our understanding, the unfathomable sinfulness of our hearts without Christ, and the infinitesimal smallness of our strength in comparison to yours, and the absolute dependence of our life on you, and the unfathomable depths of your judgments, and how dim is the mirror in which we see. Grant to our minds and hearts new and deeper capacities to see and savor the glories of Jesus Christ. With every new glimpse of his glory in your word, let there awaken new affections in our hearts. Ignite our souls to treasure Christ in a way that destroys our sinful lusts and delights the deepest recesses of our being and displays his truth and beauty to a world that does not know that this is what it needs more than anything. And from this all-satisfying treasuring of Christ may there flow a liberation from selfishness, and a triumph over bitterness and anger, and a freedom from worry and fear, and victory over depression and discouragement, and the severing of every root of sensual lust. All this freedom, Lord, we seek for the sake of love. Grant that our contentment in Christ would be a dissatisfied contentment, eager to expand by including others. Grant that the joy of the Lord would not be a solitary joy, but the strength to sacrifice for the good of others, even those who hate us. May brokenhearted boldness and contrite courage attend all our deeds of compassion and all our commendations of Christ to a lost world. Awaken in us tender affections for those who hurt, and self-forgetful attentiveness for those in our presence. And in this treasuring of Christ for his supreme glory and this overflowing love for others, may Jesus be exalted above all things— honored, admired, adored, esteemed, enjoyed, praised, extolled, thanked, and worshiped. May our light shine in this world so that people see you in our sacrificial deeds of love and our uncompromising words of truth and give glory to your hallowed name, Father. Through Jesus Christ, your Son, Amen."

by John Piper

O Great God

2008-10-20T22:31:00.005-04:00

O Great God

O great God of highest heaven Occupy my lowly heart Own it all and reign supreme Conquer every rebel power Let no vice or sin remain That resists Your holy war You have loved and purchased me Make me Yours forevermore

I was blinded by my sin Had no ears to hear Your voice Did not know Your love within Had no taste for heaven’s joys Then Your Spirit gave me life Opened up Your Word to me Through the gospel of Your Son Gave me endless hope and peace

Help me now to live a life That’s dependent on Your grace Keep my heart and guard my soul From the evils that I face You are worthy to be praised With my every thought and deed great God of highest heaven Glorify Your Name through me

Words and Music by Bob Kauflin(Based on The Valley of Vision prayer “Regeneration”)

There were 2 people recently that I saw having big difficulties in their life. I saw God answer my prayer before I even confronted them. God convicted and is moving them to change...real life change. Two different people at two different times. I am thanking the Lord for His help in our lives. He will never leave us nor forsake us. He gives us gifts daily.

Be Glad of Heart

2008-09-24T21:23:00.007-04:00

September 22

My reading this morning my heart is encouraged by the meditation of Spurgeon.

"Be glad of heart, O believer, but take care your gladness has its spring in the Lord. You have much cause for gladness in your God, for you can sing with David, "God, my exceeding joy." Be glad that the Lord reigns, the Jehovah is King! Rejoice that He sits upon the throne, and rules all things! Every attribute of God should become a fresh ray in the sunlight of our gladness. That He is wise should make us glad, knowing as we do our own foolishness. That He is mighty
should cause us to rejoice who tremble at our weakness. That He is everlasting, should always be a theme of joy when we know that we wither as the grass. That He is unchanging, perpetually yield us a song, since we change every hour. That He is full of grace, that He is overflowing with it, and that this grace in covenant He has given to us: that it is ours to cleanse us, ours to keep us, ours to sanctify us, ours to perfect us, ours to bring us to glory-all this should tent to make us glad in Him. ... Onward the depth is greater, and the current more impetuous in its joy...."

Psalm 149:2 "Let Israel rejoice in him."

Random and Active

2008-09-01T01:23:00.006-04:00

Sunday morning
"Be the best logger"
Matthew 7:5

love earnestly (again)

"Practice makes permanent"

Noon
Romans 2:4
"or do you think lightly of riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?"

Active faith, seeking God
Isaiah 54:10
"For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake,
But My loving kindness will not be removed from you,
And My covenant of peace will not be shaken,"
Says the Lord who has compassion on you"

Evening
Thank you Lord for the rain, that I can run, that you allow me to live and given me Life, you are with me always.

Running hard

2008-06-06T23:44:00.006-04:00

I enjoyed New Attitude this year. Challenges confront me to the core of my heart. Meditating, scripture memory, daily engaging, delighting, dying to self, proclaiming the Word without shame, and life changes.
Life is short and truly I see the "vapor" evaporate in front my eyes. Where is God going to take me in this big picture?
I think about the discipline of spending time with my Saviour. Why can't I get myself out of bed at 0500 in the morning? My mind does not see that His Words are my "Life" and God is calling me to follow Him in Obedience to "bind His Words about my neck"..."put on the armour" ...hide "in my heart so that I might not sin against you"...to "seek it as treasure"....
I find myself passing off the my valuable time with God for exchange of saying that I am not being legalistic by being too rigid. (completely wrong thinking).
I love the dedicated, tenacious spirit, and love for God's Word displayed in Tyndale. Why can't I be like my brother who displayed this thirstiness for the Word of God and vision for all men to have the English printed version of the Bible in their hands. He pleaded to the king, carefully, thoughtfully, lovingly until his final death. He followed, in faith, the ultimate example, Jesus Christ, who was disregarded by men and kings. My apathy and pride stare me in the face. I want to run hard towards God, passionately, focused, sacrificing, unashamed, to be the same tool in the hand of God .
Love the Lord my God with all my heart? Myself gets in the way. My worldly pleasures, my "what next mentality", my "I deserve it", my faults thinking, questioning"is to die really gain"?.
No freedom being a slave to my self; it is short sighted, and not true to the way God designed me.
I reflect on Pipers message and Romans 14:8 ."...for whether we live, we live unto the Lord, and whether we die, we die unto the Lord: whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lords."

forever asking the question when always the answer is love

2008-04-13T23:18:00.004-04:00

"So God I have one question...why did you choose me?"
I am nothing and out of all of His creation; I was chosen to live with in relationship with Him forever. I was saved from eternal darkness and hell. I still don't know (never have experienced the pit of hell/silence/torture/burning) what that is like first hand experience. I am sure it is beyond human comprehension of excruciating pain emotionally, socially, physically.
As I was praying with my "family" I ask again...why did you choose me? It is love at its pinnacle for Jesus to unconditionally die, in torn flesh, disfigured, bleed profusely liters of blood, humiliated byHis own men; He purposefully, thoughtfully, submitting tenaciously to the will of God the Father for saving a small speck of dust-life like me. I can't understand it. Amazed, pondering, my mind cannot contain it...He loves Me more than I will ever fully understand.

it passed me by

2008-03-07T01:10:00.006-05:00

it passed me by to give you a smile, warm eyes, kind words, a purposeful touch,
enough to make a difference, enough that my care may change the course of ones thought,
enough to inspire the hopes of tomorrow;
it passed me by to say it gently, to love differently then expected in one's eyes.
You needed help, or a someone to spend time with one set of ears and eyes to listen to you with their heart too; a moment for them to hear you to the end, and eager to respond in time.
Did I take it for granted that you will be there again another day, another turn, your life to sparkle, where I will say one more time "hello" to you, or will I regret the moment to say, "it passed me by"?

"love earnestly"...

What does it mean to Love

2008-03-02T22:08:00.005-05:00

What does it mean to love?
Blessing and suffering go hand-in-hand as I heard in church today.
The Bible says "Earnestly love". My human nature does not want to earnestly love many times. It is hard work to choose to love. Loving I thought was supposed to come easily , fuzzy, warm almost all of the time....But I reminded again it is not always that. It demands an about- face-radical-step. I say, "I choose against my feelings to Love You"..."Earnestly love you". But my motivation is without power if I don't remember Christ Loved me first in my vile filthy rag (disgusting old menstrual rags-i heard that in church too).
"HE LOVED ME FIRST. I love you first in spite of the wrongs I am reminded of". Or should I say, "What wrong did you do towards me? I can't remember? I refuse to recollect the wrongs of yesterday...it is done....I love you".
Christ loving the blind man and the women at the well was shocking, the humanly unnatural, the unexpected, goes against all human nature. Christ spending His years on earth knowing to face the final day of the Cross to die for betrayers, sinners, people who hated Him. I can't even understand it. This just reveals my heart, my desperateness for God at this very moment. God I cry out for you to give me your grace again; "it is sufficient".

Where do you go...

2008-02-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

Where do you go when your world completely crashes...when no persons are there to be there for you (they say they would, if not in words, in actions)...the silence of the desert is all the experience...

Where do you go when you long for complete friendship...exchange of ones deepest feelings...one seeing the best in one to another...enjoying each other...loyal through life...looking for the next day...to see you...celebrating the day, playing in it together...talking about the day... looking for another memory to keep in your pockets.

I go to the Rock...He never breaks, He is Faithful, He never leaves, He always Loves me, He is Always, Always there beside, behind, beneath, before, inside, me. I love you God because you first loved me. You are my Father and my dearest Friend.

Wendy

In Christ Alone

2008-02-14T23:55:00.000-05:00

My mind clings to this at the end of the day....

In Christ Alone my heart is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This corner Stone
This solid ground
Firm through the fiercest Storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled and strivings cease

In Christ alone who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and Righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to Save
Till on that Cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I Live

There in the ground His body laid
Light of the World by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in Glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in Victory
Sin"s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Oh for the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in Life
No fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final death
Jesus commands my final destiny
No power of hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand
No power of hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in power of Christ I stand.

Remember Eternal Matters

2008-02-10T22:41:00.000-05:00

I am pulled in different directions. Work, the future, time restraints, fun, friends,and more.
I now step back to breath...I am preparing for my next evaluation and preparing for my incentive bonus(taking much time). I am thinking about all the additional stuff along with this and I can easily become anxious(not obediant to God-Sin). I have to now grab my heart, my mind, and yield completely and entirely to God and His plan. When I do this or that (be it running, washing my dishes, talking to a friend, doing my yearly evalution projects I must not forget "I do this for God's glory".
I think about how my wonderful friend Becky has often lovingly and firmly in the past grabbed my arm to say, "Wendy, it really doesn't matter". And I shake myself to say, "Yes, Yes, it doesn't matter in this Life...look at Jesus and where you will spend Eternity. This life all my striving is vain. God must be THE ULTIMATE reason.

So I am thrilled to think about my Brother John in the scriptures again...many years later. Sitting on this island (Patmos)by himself...old and I imagine cataracts in his eyes, dry, shriveled-up skin, bony joints, long straggly gray beard, hunched over and then the Bible says he has a vision...

Revelation 4
The Throne in Heaven
"1After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, "Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this." 2At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. 3And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian. A rainbow, resembling an emerald, encircled the throne. 4Surrounding the throne were twenty-four other thrones, and seated on them were twenty-four elders. They were dressed in white and had crowns of gold on their heads. 5From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder. Before the throne, seven lamps were blazing. These are the seven spirits[a] of God. 6Also before the throne there was what looked like a sea of glass, clear as crystal.

In the center, around the throne, were four living creatures, and they were covered with eyes, in front and in back. 7The first living creature was like a lion, the second was like an ox, the third had a face like a man, the fourth was like a flying eagle. 8Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under his wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." 9Whenever the living creatures give glory, honor and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, 10the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne, and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say:
11"You are worthy, our Lord and God,
to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
and by your will they were created
and have their being."

And a relationship with this King is what really matters!

Pride

2008-02-09T01:39:00.000-05:00

I come here to journal-it is fun writing on this bubbly wall. I am blessed with the past of knowing a dear friend, Willard Lohnes (I always thought kind of a funny name) and his lovely wife, Maria. His life continues to leave a rich scent of His thirst for God, once again.

Now That’s A Bad Question

“Humble yourself in the sight of God”

James 4:10

'“Am I proud?” Yes. I think that I would feel much more comfortable with, “Are you proud?” Or even, “Are Never mind, I think that we should both get another topic so we can all feel more at ease. I am at home being sick and that always is cause for mind-dwelling. Kona my golden Labrador is lying right next to my bed. She won’t move unless I do. I’ve concluded, she is humble. This is where the topic formulated.

If you are like me, I do not like certain questions and this is probably the worst but it is one that we must ask if we are to be honest in our evaluations of the heart, our hearts.

Life can be a good teacher but it can also be a good hider of truth. We can look at ourselves in the light of the world, people, or circumstances and conclude that because of them, we are a constructive composite for others to consider. We says: position proves person, influence issues integrity, and accomplishments authenticates admiration. But I fear that all of this simply is an acceptable authentic pride.

But more, as I provocatively enter into this abyss on pride, my thoughts move to the evaluation of it. How does one know if he is proud since in the very essence of pride is the false belief of one’s importance or power. It goes like this, of course I am not proud because to be proud is unworthy and I am worthy so I am not proud. The problem with pride is the deception it disperses. Pride will not let me acknowledge itself in me. Also pride will not allow itself to be viewed or violated, but it will push me to vindicate it. So how do I know it in me?

Intermission, Kona just stirred because I moved. This is intriguing, she is totally satisfied to be here, albeit sleeping. When I sit up, she lifts her head to see what I am doing. If I get up, she follows. She wants to be in my presence and nothing else matters. Ah, here is a key. I think that dogs, at least mine, are humble. Her joy is overtly and unashamedly to love me by being with me.

Ok, I take it for granted that I am proud, there I said it, I fear that I have been too long, too much, and too foolish in it. But this admission has brought me to a conclusion. Love is the evaluator of pride. If I can love, I tend to be humble. To love is to place myself at the disposal of someone else, not myself. Therefore, our question is, “How am I doing in loving? Take some time to answer.

Next, how do I fix it? Be humble! Great! How do I do that? Humility is a virtue that cannot be directly obtained. It is the result of another action. James says in his book of clear and often condemning considerations, “Humble yourself in the sight of God”. He assumes that everyone is proud in some way. This is true. Remedy? Place yourself in God’s presence. Ask, “Do I want, love, and desire to be with God?” Do I wait on Him? How is my prayer life? Do I love talking with him? This is tough going. I fight constantly with my prayer times. I tend to be too work-heavy to stop and pray. Not a good attribute and one that needs to change.

So why is Kona important? Kona is still lying next to the bed, just waiting, sleeping. Her day is caught up in mine. She is enjoying just being with me. That is life for her and it ought to be ours with God. Just wanting to be with Him. Just loving to be with Him. Just knowing that He is my life. You only can love what you know. So get into His presence and learn. “I am His and He is mine”, a song we sang Sunday and a song of humble answers.

Pride is being satisfied with myself not needing others.

Humility is also being satisfied but by or with Another’s self.

“Almighty God, in this quiet hour I seek communion with thee. From the fret and fever of the day’s business, from the world’s discordant noises, from the praise and blame of men, from the confused thoughts and vain imaginations of my own heart, I would now turn aside and seek the quietness of thy presence.” John Baillie

I would add, “And so become like Christ by enjoying Him as You do.

Will'

So I bring my friend's words to thought. Christ was The Example of humility-He truly loved. He came to us selflessly (in comparison to heaven, there was nothing this earth would give back to Him). A tip of the iceburg: He loved the blind man; He loved the women at the well; Heloved betrayers; He loved when He was alone, and He loved in His final breaths..."not my will but Yours be done".

warm rains, to run and to breathe

2008-01-30T23:54:00.000-05:00

I reflect back to times where I enjoy running the most....it is the last stretch of run, a mile and a half, my tennis shoes fall into the lush green grass cushioning my feet, country fields spread wide on each side of me. And here my sense of enjoyment is compounded; I love to feel the warm summer rains fall on my face, big plump drops, as it rolls down from all corners of my head. I am lulled by the showers of God's creation. My body is soaked; but I don't care. I keep my focus, my arms relax, my stride lengthens, and I feel like the rain drops feed me breaths of Oxygen as my mouth gulps in the rain to my tongue. How it feels strangely wonderful and hard at the same time.

(copied from my eSword)

Hebrews 12:1-3

v.1 ....let us also lay aside every encumbrance, the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with enudurance the race that is set before us v.2Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. v3 Consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you may not grow weary and lose heart.